I have not added a new post in almost a year though I have continued to run pretty much every day on the trails. I have not written anything for this blog even though I did three trail sessions last fall and I am doing two more starting in the next couple weeks. I want to thank everyone who has been part of Toronto TRUE Running and to the many of you who continue to be a part. Your friendship and support during the last year has been so great. About a year ago, almost exactly, something happened to me. I started hearing a ringing sound in my head. At first it was intermittent and quite variable. Coming and going, changing in pitch and intensity but after the first month or so the noise became somewhat permanent. At first running, especially on the trails was a wonderful refuge and the noise disappeared as soon as I entered the woods. That lasted only for a short time when the sound in my head joined me there as well.
For the last 10 months or so, the sound has intensified and is ever present. After many ENT visits and several trips to the hearing clinic at Sunnybrook along with many tests including one for Lyme disease I arrived at Tinnitus. Although all tinnitus is much the same, the user perceives the sound differently. In my case I hear the high pitched ringing sound in both ears almost continuously and it usually is very loud. It is particularly bad at night and I sleep very poorly as a result. This is the case for many people who have tinitus. The treatment is learning to live with it and teach your brain it is not an important sound, let it be the train that runs beside your home that as a resident you never hear. This was actually the case when I was child.
So this is where I am. I told only a few people. I tried to power through it. Another challenge, another race to run, no problem. Things are better now at times but often not. Part of my job is continue to be engaged in the things that let me focus away from the noise. Running, travel, drawing, the work with Don’t Mess with the Don, playing guitar poorly and yes resuming this blog, are all healthy pursuits I must make time for. Engagement with life keeps the train in the background but not in the station.
Thanks so much to all. Nancy, Kate, friends, runners and everyone who helps me find peace, a few minutes or hours at a time.